worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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