shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
