I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize