Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
