Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
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I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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