oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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