Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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