i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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