So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
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Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
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Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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