ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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