I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
we're making bets on your personal life
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
