I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
