I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
