Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
