I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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