maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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