I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
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I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
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I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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