Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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