it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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