Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
