Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
