i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
