Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
