Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
