I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
