I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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