we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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