I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
