I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
