Non-Jews are for practice
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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