we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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