We're facebook friends in real life
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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