I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize