Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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