if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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