Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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