Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
