i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
