maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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