just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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