Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
