please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
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I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
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When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize