Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
