3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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