He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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