Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
