Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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