Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
