Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm too high and old for this...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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