the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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