guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
