cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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