Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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