Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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