Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have already put on my inside pants.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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