I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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