hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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