Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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