dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
