i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
