sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
