I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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