Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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