But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
