theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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