I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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