I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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