saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
