his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
