Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
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i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
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I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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