I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
