Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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