I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Someone signed my nipple.
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