I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
