im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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