I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We named our party play list daddy issues
we're making bets on your personal life
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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