I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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