Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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