Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Randomize
