I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
