Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
