It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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