he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize