so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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