need another drink. this is the easiest way
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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