If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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