i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
